Rambling Thoughts on Motherhood

Well lets first start out with the fact- I do love being a mother, it is one of the most unique and special things I have ever experienced. With that said, when "they" say there is nothing that can really prepare you, there really isn't. It's like when I was getting ready to have Christian I must have read about a million books about sleep training, giving birth, soothing, what pregnancy is like- what's normal what's not.... all of these are helpful, but unfortunately no baby is by the book, no giving birth experience is by the book. For example: I was so ready to have a baby we had our hospital bag ready for weeks just waiting for that 3:00 in the morning moment when I say "Honey, it's time to go to the hospital!"... come to find out- my body doesn't no how to go into labor- in fact it gets pretty mad if you try to put it into labor, so c-section it is.
Being a mom is also interesting, I think as you think about being a mom and how great it will be, I don't think anyone says to you, by the way even though being a mom is great you need to prepare yourself for a lot of repetition- for example, my toddler loves to play "go to work" this entails of him giving me a hug and a kiss and getting on his truck and saying "Bye Mom, Bye- I love you" then I say "Bye sweetie, have a great day come back soon!" then he rides down the hall comes back jumps off his truck and says "I'm home" and then I say "You're home!" and he comes and gives me a hug and a kiss. I must confess it's one of my favorite games, but ask yourself can you play this game for at least a half hour? Especially now that there is a second baby who also needs your attention? It gets crazy trying to balance everything. Or on the other side, how many times can you take hearing Big Bird sing the ABC's at a very rapid pace. Christian loves that toy and it is played with often, I know that repetition is the way kids learn and I try to foster that in our home- but how can you really prepare for that.
Another big shocker and adjustment for me was learning how to stay home. After I had Christian I had to go back to work until Dan was finished with school and got a "big person job." This was hard, I cried all the way to my mom's dropping Christian off and all the way to work- so hard to leave such a tiny little person I had gotten so very attached to. Last September (it has been a whole year now that I have been able to stay at home) I was able to quit work- *HEAVEN* I was not prepared with how to adjust from a constant going, going, going to the different pace of staying at home, it is by no means slower, but different and harder to adjust after doing school and work for so long, it has a different focus of it's own that I had to learn.
Another thing I was thinking about was, obviously, I am a huge fan of "So You Think You Can Dance?" and I would be lying to you if I didn't say I miss dance so very much when I watch that show- me and Dan both did theater as a married couple which was a blast, we both danced our brains out and now none of that is possible right now because we chose to have kids- at least I don't think so, I don't think there is anyway to do dance and shows and be able to give to your kids the way your are suppose to- I think it is a selfish move (sorry if I have offended these are my opinions and I don't mean to judge anyone) to do something like that- I think people choose things like that too often and that's why there are so many messed up kids right now. Anyway, way off the subject. So today I was thinking about dance while I was playing on the floor with Christian and Evan, and I realized man, I love love love dance! But I stare into the eyes of my children and I think "No, I like to dance- I love them more than ever!" It's so interesting that children can curb your passions so much with just a look or a smile, these little beings that are so dependent on you- I now understand why parents cry when kids go to school, I'm sure I'll be right there on the curb waving good bye trying to hold it together.
So to kind of wrap up my ramblings for now, I think there is so much about motherhood/parenthood that you can never be prepared for, there are hard things to learn but those hard things are very worthwhile. Having children is an experience that I wouldn't trade for anything- sorry for the sentimentality- I just had some thoughts I wanted to get down.